Things I’ve Said Before 9:00am (A Working Parent’s Morning Greatest Hits)

Parenting mornings are not for the weak. In fact, if mornings were an Olympic sport, parents would qualify for the triathlon of patience, speed, and finding missing shoes under impossible circumstances.

Some people start their day with yoga, meditation, or journaling. Working parents? We start our day shouting things like:

• “Where are your shoes?!”
  
  

• “Yes, you DO have to brush your teeth.”
  
  

• “Coffee first. Always coffee.”
  
  

It’s chaos, comedy, and cardio all in one. If you’ve ever wondered how many full conversations, negotiations, and crisis interventions you’ve had before 9:00 a.m.—this post is for you.

So grab your mug (reheated for the third time) and let’s dive into the top things parents say before the school bell rings.

1. “Where are your shoes?” 

This one is universal. Shoes have a magical ability to vanish at the exact moment you need them most. You could swear you saw them by the door last night, but now they’ve disappeared into a black hole of unmatched socks, Lego pieces, and mystery crumbs.

Bonus points if your child insists they don’t know where their shoes are—as if some neighborhood shoe thief sneaks in every morning just to mess with you.

 Parenting Hack: Keep a “morning basket” by the door with shoes, socks, and a backup hairbrush. Future you will send past you a thank-you card.

2. “Please eat three more bites.” 

Mealtimes before school are less about nutrition and more about diplomacy and bargaining skills. Forget the food pyramid—your child is negotiating like they’re in a United Nations summit.

• “I’m not hungry.”
  
  

• “But you liked pancakes yesterday.”
  
  

• “Can I just lick the syrup?”
  
  

By the time you’ve convinced them to eat three more bites, you deserve an honorary degree in conflict resolution.

💡 Parenting Hack: If you’re really desperate, make it a race. “Bet you can’t eat those bites before I count to 20!” works surprisingly well. (Also works on spouses.)

3. “Why is your backpack still empty?” 

It’s 8:15, you’re hustling out the door, and suddenly you realize your kid’s backpack is still sitting there like a hollow shell of procrastination. Lunch? Homework? Permission slip? Nada.

Cue the frantic scramble:

• Stuffing yesterday’s crumpled math worksheet into a folder.
  
  

• Tossing in a snack bar and calling it “balanced nutrition.”
  
  

• Forgetting water bottles because… of course.
  
  

Parent mornings are basically a live episode of The Amazing Race: pack the bag, grab the coat, avoid stepping on Legos, and don’t forget the car keys.

4. “No, we don’t have time for cartoons.” 

Every morning, without fail, a child will ask:
“Can I watch cartoons before school?”

Sure, sweetheart, let’s just ignore the fact that we’re already running 10 minutes late and your socks are still on the wrong feet. Watching cartoons at 8:05 is like suggesting a beach vacation when you’re already late for work—it sounds lovely, but no.

 Parenting Hack: Save cartoons as an after-school or weekend reward. Morning time = survival mode.

5. “Yes. I need coffee first.” 

If there’s one phrase that sums up parenting mornings, it’s this: coffee first, chaos second.

Coffee is the fuel that powers school drop-offs, missing shoe searches, and the energy required to say, “I’m not mad, just disappointed” at 7:45 a.m.

If you’ve ever tried to parent without caffeine, you know—it’s basically a horror movie.

 Parenting Hack: Prep the coffee pot the night before. Future You will want to hug Past You (and maybe cry a little in gratitude).

Final Thoughts + Call to Action

Parenting before 9:00 a.m. is like starring in your own sitcom—equal parts exhausting and hilarious. From “Where are your shoes?” to “I need coffee first,” these phrases unite us as parents in the shared chaos of mornings.

Now I want to hear from you:
 What’s the funniest or most repeated thing you’ve said before 9:00 a.m.?
 Do your mornings sound like this too, or do you have your own signature lines?

Drop your “morning greatest hits” in the comments—or check out my other blog posts for more laughs, hacks, and survival tips for working parents.

Because if we can laugh about it, maybe—just maybe—mornings won’t feel so impossible.